Rediscovering the Art of Love and Self in Modern Life
In our fast-paced, achievement-driven society, the art of loving—both oneself and others—is often overlooked, misunderstood, or relegated to the realm of fleeting emotions and superficial connections.
Erich Fromm eloquently suggests that love is not a mere happenstance, but a deliberate, cultivated art that requires effort, maturity, and a deeper understanding of both oneself and the nature of human connection.
This post explores the relevance of love in our lives today, diving into why we need to see love not just as a feeling but as a conscious practice.
Love as a Solution to the Human Condition
Fromm begins by positioning love as the answer to a fundamental human issue: separateness. From birth, humans are acutely aware of their separateness from others, which can lead to feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and alienation. This state of being is often unbearable, and people seek various ways to escape it—some healthy, others not.
According to Fromm, love is the primary way in which we can bridge this divide and experience unity, even if momentarily. True love, then, is about connection and mutual fulfillment, not just about satisfying personal desires.
I can attest to this from personal experience. Meeting my wife online brought new meaning to my understanding of love as a bridge across separateness. Living on opposite sides of the world, we felt that connection grow even though we were oceans apart. It wasn’t easy, of course.
Like any real love, it demanded patience, resilience, and a willingness to navigate challenges together. Eventually, I made the life-changing decision to move to Brazil to be with her, and that journey taught me volumes about love's ability to unite, even in the face of immense change and uncertainty.
The Practice of Love: An Act of Maturity
True love, in Fromm's view, requires a mature personality that can offer respect, understanding, and care to others. Such love is distinguished from the kind of “falling” in love that is based on fantasy and infatuation, and is often short-lived. Instead, Fromm describes an enduring love that he calls “standing in love.”
This involves a commitment to nurturing not only romantic partners but also family, friends, and humanity as a whole. Practicing this kind of love is a process of self-development—it requires that we learn patience, humility, and discipline.
Humility, as Jon Peniel describes in The Children of the Law of One, is a fundamental aspect of true love. Peniel emphasizes that love should be unselfish and free from ego. In his view, humility allows us to set aside our own needs and desires, so we can genuinely see and support another person.
Moving to Brazil was a humbling experience for me. I didn’t speak the language, didn’t fully understand the culture, and had to start over in so many ways. But embracing humility taught me to approach each new experience with a sense of openness, to recognize that I had much to learn, and that I was there to serve—not just to be served.
Peniel’s teachings on unselfishness also resonated deeply as my wife and I navigated our new life together. To love unselfishly means to prioritize the well-being of your partner, to make sacrifices, and to put aside self-centered desires.
This journey required me to let go of the comfort of familiarity and to focus on building a life that was meaningful for us both, even if it meant stepping into the unknown.
Peniel’s words on serving others helped me reframe these sacrifices as acts of love, rather than losses. True love, he explains, is about giving yourself fully without expecting anything in return. This philosophy was instrumental as I took on the challenges of adjusting to a new environment and continually learning the language
Overcoming Cultural Barriers to Love
Our society often equates love with attraction, success, or material wealth. But this commercialization and superficialization of love can make it difficult for people to realize what genuine love feels like.
We may end up seeing love as a transactional exchange—an arrangement to satisfy individual needs, rather than a mutual commitment to growth and care. Fromm argues that the concept of love has been diluted by a culture that values superficial markers of affection (like popularity and sex appeal) over the effort it takes to understand and accept someone deeply.
Moving to Brazil highlighted this for me in unexpected ways. Without a common language to fall back on, I had to find new ways to communicate, often relying on gestures, laughter, and, sometimes, simply the silence of being together.
We couldn’t rely on the conventional markers of success or attraction—those external validations that many relationships depend on. Instead, we had to find ways to support and understand each other in deeper, nonverbal ways.
Over time, I’ve come to realize that there is a beauty in learning to love someone even when you don’t fully understand all the nuances of their world. The things that get lost in translation force you to lean more into the essence of connection, where words fall short.
As Peniel teaches, love requires the patience to embrace these differences and the humility to recognize that your partner’s world is unique, intricate, and deserving of your respect. Love transcends superficial barriers, and it isn’t about fitting into societal expectations; it’s about being present and making a genuine effort to connect, even if you don’t fully understand.
The Role of Self-Love
Understanding self-love is crucial in Fromm’s framework, but it is not the self-love based on ego and narcissism that is prevalent today. Instead, it’s about recognizing our own worth and extending compassion to ourselves. This kind of love is essential because it provides a foundation upon which we can build our relationships with others.
When I arrived in Brazil, I faced moments of doubt and frustration. Not being able to communicate fluently made me feel isolated, and at times, I questioned my decision to uproot my life. In those moments, I had to practice self-love. I had to remind myself that this was part of my journey and that my growth would benefit my relationship in the long run.
Self-love gave me the resilience to persevere, and it’s that inner strength that ultimately allowed me to give more fully to my wife. Peniel’s concept of self-awareness and humility reminds us that loving ourselves is about nurturing the parts of ourselves that serve others and setting aside ego in the process.
Cultivating Love as an Art
In the end, learning to love as an art form takes time, patience, and a willingness to look beyond the self. As with any art, we must be prepared to engage in continuous learning. We need to practice vulnerability and openness, to allow ourselves to be truly seen and to truly see others. Both Fromm and Peniel inspire us to embrace the art of loving not only as a means to personal happiness but also as a path to contributing positively to the collective human experience.
Relocating to another country for love was perhaps the boldest decision I’ve ever made. It taught me that love is indeed an art—an ongoing, evolving practice that challenges and rewards in equal measure. Every day, I learn more about patience, empathy, and understanding.
And as I continue learning the language and navigating the complexities of a new culture, I'm reminded that love, like language, is a constant journey of discovery and connection. Each day, it reshapes who I am, and each day, it brings my wife and me closer together.
There are moments when I still struggle to fully understand, to feel like I truly belong, but those challenges have only deepened my appreciation for the humility and unselfishness that love requires.
Jon Peniel’s teachings on love and service underscore that love isn’t about achieving a perfect understanding or avoiding discomfort—it’s about choosing to give fully and to grow through each challenge. These obstacles have strengthened our bond and helped me embrace the beauty of a shared life, even when it’s not entirely understood.
Incorporating this mindful approach to love can have a profound impact on our personal lives and on society as a whole. As we become more capable of loving fully, we create a world where connections are deeper and more meaningful, where compassion and understanding become the norm, rather than the exception.
So, let us practice the art of love—not only for our own benefit but for the sake of creating a more united, compassionate world.
Tim Frederick
Holistic business analyst and thought leader who blends philosophy, metacognition, and practical business strategy. His writing empowers individuals to break through conventional thinking, embrace conscious leadership, and achieve both personal and professional freedom. Tim’s insights offer a unique perspective on integrating inner growth with outward success, providing a roadmap for thriving in an ever-evolving world.
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